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Karma Chameleon




While August saw me contemplating the benefits of coming to the UK, this month has me thinking about all the mistakes I made along the way. One which popped to mind immediately was the fact I felt it necessary to be chameleon-Rae when I was first assimilating. I can confirm it was exhausting.

What this basically entailed was me being whoever I needed to be at any given moment to fit into whichever social group I was a part of at that point in time. During my A’ Levels I hung out with the sixth formers, dressed like them and tried to learn their slang. I didn’t succeed with the slang at all – my private school vocab kept invading my mouth when I least expected. 

At university I tried to become a slob who stayed in bed till late in the afternoon, do as little work as possible and loiter in pubs till chuck out time so I could be invited to the lock-in.  The trouble with this scenario was I really liked doing the work except for the research part and all I ever wanted in a pub was a cup of tea.  But I thoroughly enjoyed the lock-ins.

My university wardrobe also presented a problem. I did secretarial jobs during my summer holidays so had more suits than jeans or tee-shirts. Due to limited funds I was forced to use clothes I’d brought with me from SA and adapt them to fit with my new lifestyle. I remember with great fondness a tweed jacket of my great uncle’s which still smelt of his tobacco, was warm and the envy of many of my fellow students. I paired it with an old hat and copious amounts of scarves. I was doing student grunge without even realising it.

When I started teaching, suits engulfed my wardrobe. I had real difficulty trying to dress casually.  To me casual entailed summer clothing like shorts and halter necks. British weather didn’t allow for this. I could only indulge my idea of casual if I went on a holiday somewhere hot. It would take me a long time before I’d realise I’m not really a casual sort of person and it was pointless fighting that fact.

I spent years trying to be the person I thought people wanted me to be. All the while I didn’t know who I truly was.  It would take a leap of faith and unemployment to finally cure me of my chameleon ways.

My prolonged unemployment (a longer period than I ever imagined it would be) gave me countless hours of 1-2-1 time with myself.  I spent a great deal of that time writing, reflecting and considering my self-worth.  There were periods of uncertainty and depression.  Reverberating in my head though were the words of my parents – at the end of the day your outward appearance is of little consequence. What matters most is what you think, do and say on a daily basis and most importantly, how you treat people.  So I found ways to do unto others as I’d wish them to do unto me and I wrote, Wrote, WROTE…

Out of this difficult financial and emotional period in my life I found the Rae I wanted to be.  I’m still a work in progress but I like ME now a whole lot more than the ME I was.  Along the way I’ve found treasures I truly value. They can’t be stored in a safe, counted or set out on a spreadsheet but that’s what makes them all the more valuable to me.




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